Back in the Saddle Again (Hardwear Sessions)

By Dawn Glanc

It was one week after my accident that I went out climbing again. I still had a black eye and a lot of swelling in my left forearm. After being smashed in the face by a large piece of ice, my climbing head was a bit frazzled. For my first day back in my harness I went to the practice boulder just down the valley from La Grave. The boulder is about 15 meters tall and just about everything is a top-roped dry tool route. It is a fun area to climb. The routes have logs bolted to the walls and logs hanging from the walls as well. It is an intriguing area, like a jungle gym was to all of us when we were kids. I was full of mixed emotions as I approached our objective.

I tied in to our warm-up route and looked up at the challenge ahead with anxiety and pure fear racing through my system. The moments of the accident ran through my mind. The sounds of falling ice and the feelings of blood rolling down my cheek came back to me as if everything was happening all over again. I took a deep breath and turned to Farmer and said, "you got me, are you ready?" He answered with an encouraging "on belay" and I placed my ice tools onto the rock. I took a deep breath and made the first opening moves. My heart was pounding. My forearms instantly began to pump as I over gripped my ice tools. I began an inner dialogue to help myself cope. "Relax," I told myself, "you can do this." As I made each move I was terrified of something going wrong. "You're on top rope" I reassured myself, "breathe." After a long 15-meter battle I made it to the anchor mentally exhausted. My first big step was over and I was glad that it was.

As I lowered back to the ground, I fought back my tears.

Once I was on the ground, I kept my head down. I did not know what to think of my performance. As I untied my knot I digested what had just happened. I had faced my fears and tied into a rope again. I was in a weird and vulnerable headspace. I was relieved that I got back in a harness, and that I could keep it together in the process. I finally finished untying my knot and looked up at Farmer. He gave me a giant smile and said "great job." I returned a smile to him, and with that exchange I knew then that I would be able to climb again. We spent the rest of that day climbing a variety of the top rope dry tool routes. Trying harder and harder routes each time. As the day went on, I began to feel like I was returning to normal. I relaxed my grip, so that I was not holding on for dear life. I was able to breathe and see clearly while climbing through the crux sections. By the end of the day I was smiling and joking with the rest of the crew. I would be lying if I said I felt totally fine at the end of the day. However, I did leave the crag with the same desire to keep climbing that I have always had. The accident that occurred was my first real injury while climbing. I was definitely shaken by it, but it has only helped to strengthen my character and my awareness of falling ice.